Chapter 9
Somehow the evening became solemn. He finished preparing his meal and sat down to eat. It was delicious, but for some reason he just wasn’t as hungry as he had thought. Why this was a meal any mountain man would pay dearly for, but it just didn’t do the trick. It was six o’clock already and black as pitch. There were still a few things left to do before he retired.
He drug the small generator out on the porch and fired it up. Darn thing was getting harder and harder to start. He plugged the extension cord in and ran it under the door over to the old CB radio. He turned it on and adjusted the squelch to quiet the static.
“Hey Billy, are you on the air, this is Sam. Hey Billy! Yo Billy!”
“Hey Sam I read you loud and clear, you OK?”
“Yeah Billy I’m just fine, I just had a great fried rabbit dinner. Got my tree up, and I’m fixin’ to put my nugget pouch under there in case Santa’s got anything in his sleigh to leave me. Then I’m going to get ready for bed. I just wanted to check in and wish you and Ellen and Peggy a Merry Christmas. Is Peggy all ready for Santa? Over!”
“Oh Sam she’s about to drive us crazy. She’s been ready for Santa since December 1st.”
“Well that’s how our little Sally was too! Over!”
“Say listen Sam, the weather report says there is a doozy of a storm that is going to hit about 2 to 3 in the morning. They are predicting high winds, and 36 to 40 inches of snow. You hunker down up there! Do you have plenty of wood to keep warm?”
Sam looked at the pile in the corner, five small pieces. He had forgot to chop and split logs that day with hunting rabbits and a tree. He lied,
“Oh yeah Billy I’m all set! I have plenty of wood. I’ll try and check in tomorrow.”
“Great Sam! You have a Merry Christmas too, by the way, the funniest thing happened today a g……..” Billy’s transmission cut out and the radio went dead.
“Billy, Billy, are you there? What the hell’s going on?”
The generator had stopped. When Sam went to check it, he found out why. The generator was out of gas and his spare gas tanks were bone dry too.
Hardly any food left, a big storm coming, not enough wood to even last through the night, and no way to get in touch with Billy. Maybe this was the beginning of the end. If it was, he still had one last tradition to perform before turning in for the night. It was the same thing he had done on every anniversary. He always sang “Through the Years” to Mary. Oh he was a lousy singer, couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, but it was the words that were important, and besides, he might sing off key, but he could hit every note on the harmonica with skilled perfection.
He bundled up and grabbed his harmonica and went out onto the porch swing. It was still clear out, no signs of a storm moving in, but then it had another seven hours or so to make it’s appearance. Sam gazed into the sky of a million billion stars and said, “Mary if you are out there somewhere, sweetheart this is for you too!” Sam started to sing his off key rendition of “Through the Years.”
After singing to his Mary, Sam put the harmonica to his lips and played the same tune as he had never played it before. Even the Angels in heaven stopped to listen. The tears flowed down Sam’s weather worn cheeks as freely as the mountain waterfalls in the spring.
The stress of the years, the emotion of the moment, it had all become too much. Depression fell on Sam as hard as that pine tree that he had cut earlier in the day had fallen to the ground. October was too long to wait, he was going out of his mind right now. He couldn’t stand another day without knowing that Mary was OK and that she was waiting for him somewhere out there in the great beyond.
For five long years he had talked to her, and dreamed about her, but there was nothing, no sign, to let him know, that she knew, he still loved her. He needed to know that she knew, that he missed her and his broken heart ached with a pain that time wouldn’t heal. She needed to know that he would die a million deaths just to hold her in his arms just one last time.
Sam stood up and dropped his harmonica on the porch. He went into the cabin and directly to the drawer where he kept his old 38 revolver, he pushed the old tattered clothes aside and pulled other cloth items from the drawer, as he was about to toss the next item to the floor he saw the soft reflection off of the steely blue finish of the gun. He could barely see the outline of the weapon in the dimly lit cabin. A smell from heaven momentarily distracted him, it was Mary’s pillow case he was holding. Even after five years it still smelled of her. It was the reason he had packed the pillow case the day he prepared to leave Desert Rose; it was so he would never forget the smell of the most beautiful woman he ever knew.
He pressed his tear stained face into the softly scented pillow case and whispered, “God Mary I can’t live without you any more.” As he reached for the gun something fell from the pillow case hitting his hand and landing on the gun. It startled him. As he looked towards the gun once again, he saw it. It was Mary’s rosary.
Instead of picking up the gun he reached into the drawer and picked up the crucifix attached to the rosary. As he touched the cross a flowing warmth filled his body. It was a sensation unlike anything he had ever felt before. A quiet calm fell upon him and an inner peace welled up inside of his soul. He looked towards the Christmas tree that was in the corner. He walked to the table where the candle was burning and picked it up. Kneeling down he placed the candle on the floor beside the stable where the baby Jesus was sleeping.
The irony of the moment struck him like lightning. In the stable was the baby Jesus, this was the beginning. In his hand he held the cross which bore the likeness of the crucified Christ, this was the end. “I am the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega. Isn’t that what was in the bible?”
As he knelt he looked outside at the clear winter night, the stars were particularly bright tonight, especially one. He held the rosary in his hand, and with his fingers on the crucifix he tried to remember the prayer you said when you started to pray the beads. It was called the Apostle’s Creed. He knew it once, a long time ago, when he was a little boy. How did it go? “I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth …..” He didn’t know where the words came from but once he started they flowed from his lips as if he had said them everyday.
He continued to pray. Feeling each bead slip through his fingers brought contentment to his heart and a quiet peace to his soul that he had never felt before. He was touching the beads that Mary had touched so often, and saying the prayers that Mary had said so many times. He finished the rosary and arose from his knees. I was time to ready himself for bed.
Mary’s rosary had stopped Sam from doing the unthinkable. When Mary’s rosary fell across that gun it was as if something or someone was saying, “If you want the gun, you have to get through me first.”
It was only 7:50 pm, but he was mentally and physically exhausted and emotionally he was a train wreck. He dug around in the drawer for an old bottle of sleeping pills. He rarely needed them to sleep, but he really wanted to put this night behind him quickly and get a good night’s rest. One pill was all he ever needed, they were so strong that they usually knocked him out cold for at least ten hours. He popped it into his mouth and managed to choke it down without a drink.
He put the last five pieces of wood into the stove. He could only hope that it would get him through the night and the impending storm. Tomorrow, if he didn’t freeze to death in his sleep, he would probably have to use the Christmas Tree as firewood, that is if he could even get the thing to burn. If worst came to worst he could always chop up a chair, anything to keep things warm until Billy came looking for him on his snow mobile.
Sam headed for his bed when his buckskin nugget pouch that was hanging on the nail by the door caught his eye. “Well I prayed to God tonight, the first time in how many years? We won’t even bother trying to count that high! I might as well go for the whole banana and put my pouch under the tree for Santa, wouldn’t you say so Mary?”
After placing his nugget bag under the tree Sam turned off the old lantern and climbed into bed. He blew out the candle and pulled the blankets up over his head. His body and mind drained from his depressed state, Sam fell into a deep sleep almost before his head hit the pillow.
During the night Sam had a dream unlike he had ever had before. He had dreamed of Mary before but the dreams were always about memories of the good times they had together. In this dream Mary actually came to Sam with a message.
“Sam, I love you and I’ve always been with you sweetheart.”
Sam tried to talk but he couldn’t. Mary was so, so beautiful, but more, she was an angelic presence. She was dressed all in white, and her garments glowed and shimmered. There was a bright white light that emanated from all around her body. She looked just as Sam remembered her but her skin was smooth and soft looking like a baby’s. Gone were the little wrinkles that come with advancing years.
“Sam your family needs you. Sally and Jessica and Frank want you with them. And Sally is going to need help when our new Grandson is born.
“What grandson?” Sam thought to himself.
“Sam! Johnny and I are fine and we are happy, but I worry about you. Sam, it won’t be long and we will be together again for all time, but until then you have to take care of our family. Quit being such an old fart and do what I’ve asked you to do.”
Mary smiled and faded away just as she had come.